


back with scars to show

by incognitajones



Series: Reconstruction Site [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force-Sensitive Finn, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6860122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incognitajones/pseuds/incognitajones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Ben existed in a sort of quantum superposition at the moment—neither alive nor dead, forgiven nor condemned.</i>
</p><p>An interlude: various conversations, accommodations, and reckonings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	back with scars to show

_Forgiven, they go_

_free of you, and you of them;_  
_they are to you as sunlight_  
_on a green branch. You must not_

_think of them again, except_  
_as monsters like yourself,_  
_pitiable because unforgiving._  
Wendell Barry

 

No-one else ever knew the first words Leia Organa said to her son upon his return.

Rey had called ahead to Poe, asking him to ensure that the flight crew on shift could keep a secret. So when she brought the _Falcon_ into a small emergency bay on the Resistance flagship _Home One_ , only four people were waiting there: Finn, Chewie, Luke, and Leia.

She could feel Ben shaking beside her as the ramp lowered, and strived to project nothing but calm support despite her own uncertainty. She believed his intentions were sincere, but that didn't mean she trusted him yet. And she didn’t know whether his precarious self-control would shatter at the sight of his mother.

Leia displayed no such misgivings. She didn’t run, but as soon as Ben’s feet touched the deck, she was there in front of him, her eyes shining with terrible hope. She cradled his head in her hands, pulling it down to whisper in his ear. Ben bent over almost double to rest his cheek on her shoulder, and his face contorted in an inhuman effort not to weep. His knees would have buckled if not for her slight counterbalance.

Chewie and Luke went forward to greet him more slowly. By then, Finn had caught Rey up in his own paralyzing hug. She fell against his chest with a grateful sigh as weeks of tension drained away and left her limp.

“I’ve never been so grateful to see you in one piece.” Finn thumped her on the back. “We had no idea what was happening on the _Falcon_ , just watched it orbit that damn moon three times a day and played guessing games until we were out of our minds. All Skywalker could say is that the two of you were still alive.”

Rey released a breath from the very bottom of her lungs. 

“It wasn’t easy. Neither of us are any good at talking, and I wasn’t about to start a fight with him.” She stumbled over her next words as she remembered that she’d potentially consigned Finn to being Ben’s pupil. “I need some real food, first of all—anything but oatmeal—and then I have to talk to you in private.”

Finn shook his head. “Don’t go anywhere near the mess. You’ll be swarmed as soon as people see you’re back. I’ll grab a tray and meet you at your quarters instead.”

Moving on exhausted autopilot, Rey followed Finn out of the hangar before it hit her that she was still responsible for watching over one hopefully-repentant war criminal. She shared a mental flash of her plans with Luke, who reassured her that he’d stay with Ben and Leia. _We’ll talk soon, Rey. And thank you_.

 _Wait until this is over before you thank me_. Rey was still skeptical as to whether what she'd done was worthy of any gratitude. As far as she could see, she'd only made everyone's lives infinitely more complicated.

When she reached her quarters, Finn had snagged a pouch of her favourite preserved fruit in syrup as a welcome back gift, so she ate that first. Picking out the best morsels with sticky fingers, she confessed flatly. “So. I might have suggested that you start learning to use the Force from Ky—Ben. Him.”

Finn coughed around a mouthful of spicecake. “What?” 

“Assuming he isn’t executed, he’ll need something constructive to do.”

“You’re going to have to walk me through this a little more slowly, Rey. The last I saw of Kylo Ren, he was still keen on slicing people up—you and me included.” Finn’s memories of the frenzied rages he’d seen emanated from him in queasy, fearful waves.

“It’s... complicated. But I believe he wants to turn away from the dark now. He did take on his master to save me and Luke.” She licked syrup from her fingers, wiped them on a napkin and pulled over a bowl of stirfry. “He swore to me that he’d try to make redress in some way. Which meant I had to come up with something for him to do. Training you on Takodana was the most suitable thing I could think of.”

“Really? Shipping me off with a crazed killer was your best idea?” Finn sat back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I didn’t say it was a _great_ idea, but yes, it was the best I could come up with on the spot.” Rey poked her fork through the stirfry in a quest for hot peppers. “Look, he can’t go off to fight or do anything else physically dangerous, because he’s got a deathwish the size of an AT-AT.” She squirted a packet of hot sauce into the bowl, frowning. “But he can’t stay on base for long either. Someone will get up the nerve to jump him, which will turn into a shitshow whether he defends himself or not.”

Finn nodded. “True. A lot of people won’t be pleased to see tall dark and nasty walking around.”

“And _you_ need to learn the Force. We put it off while the war was still hot, because you were too busy being a hero—” Finn rolled his eyes and she stuck her tongue out at him. “But now that Snoke’s dead, we have a little breathing room. And maybe it will be easier for you to work with him because you were never anything but enemies. I don’t think he should be too close to Luke right now; that’s a thermonuclear blast waiting to happen.” She tore off a chunk of flatbread and dipped it in the stirfry before cramming it in her mouth.

“So what am I supposed to be? A babysitter, or a lab rat?”

“No!” Rey swallowed quickly. “If anything, you’re an example—proof that the First Order can be left behind. And I think he might actually be a competent teacher? Luke said that he was, a long time ago. Even if he isn’t, I know you can handle yourself.” She looked down and concentrated on stabbing as many squares of protein curd as she could fit on the tines of her fork. “But you don’t have to, Finn. I mean it. Luke and I can think of something else to do with him.”

“Nah, you and Skywalker are going to have all three hands full tracking down the rest of the Knights for a while.” Finn sighed and wrapped his fingers around a mug of the disgusting half-caf, half-chocolate mixture he’d adopted from Jessika. “I can understand your reasoning. And if you think he’s being straight with us, I’ll give it a try. But I’d better not end up chopped into bits.”

“Thank you. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make sure it’s safe.” Rey dropped her fork to reach across the table and cup her hands over Finn’s. “Besides, he doesn’t have his saber anymore, so he’d have to chop you up by hand. Too much work.”

“How long are we talking, anyways?” Finn eyed her suspiciously. “You’re not planning on leaving us alone there for years, are you?”

“No, no,” she said hastily. “A few months to start with? And you won’t be alone. I’ll ask Maz to keep an eye on the two of you, and Chewie or I will stop by when we can.” She grinned. “Maybe I can get Poe to deliver some care packages.”

“Shut up, you.” He waved a hand dismissively, and she offered him her second piece of spicecake in apology. 

They polished off the rest of the food in companionable quiet. Finn looked speculatively at Rey from time to time, tilting his head as if he wasn’t quite sure whether he recognized her.

“This is weird, isn’t it,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

“You bet,” Rey agreed. “I never thought I’d end up advocating mercy for someone who killed so many.” She drew a finger in aimless circles through the sauce in her empty bowl. “Do you think I made a mistake?”

“No,” Finn said, too promptly.

“Seriously, Finn. I believe he means to try, but I don’t know if he’s strong enough to come back after everything he’s done.” She licked her fingertip clean.

“Only one way to find out,” Finn countered. “It’s not like I’m going to hold hands with him, but if you honestly believe he should have a chance then I’ll give him one.” He tipped his chair back on two legs to lean against the wall. “The real challenge will be people like Poe who knew him as Ben. At least you and I never felt personally betrayed by him.”

Rey was thrown off, once again, by the fact that even her most pessimistic calculations hadn’t allowed for the worst of the reckoning. She pressed her forehead into her hands until the ridge of her brows ached. Why had she ever been tempted to believe in the mirage of a redeemed Ben Solo?

 

It wasn’t an interrogation cell, just a small meeting room with a deactivated holotable and a few chairs. He could feel Skywalker’s presence outside the door, of course; they wouldn’t risk leaving him with the General completely unsupervised.

He felt oversized and clumsy once again, thanks to the way he towered over her. He backed into a chair and sat, slouching in the old and always useless effort to diminish his height. She took a seat across from him. Her posture was as precise as ever, her spine as straight as a laser beam. Nothing separated them except a few feet that might as well have been light-years.

This might be the only time he saw her before they threw him in a cell to await execution. He told himself that was why he examined her so closely, tracing the way her knuckles had thickened and her jaw softened. She still wore her hair in a familiar half-braided coil, but the colour was jarring—now more silvered than rich woody brown. He did not look into her eyes. 

“What should I call you? Ben, or Kylo?” Her voice was quiet and controlled, almost serene, and it stirred unendurable memories of her rare, cherished presence from his childhood. 

He shrugged. “Whatever you prefer. I no longer have a right to either of those names.”

“I’m too old to remember to call you by another name,” she sighed. “And whatever else you are, you’re still my son.”

Her logic, as always, was unassailable.

“Will you tell me why you’ve come back?”

“Ask Rey,” he said.

“I will. But I’d like to hear it from you, as well.”

“I was too tired to resist any longer, mostly. Her compassion can be relentless, but I’m sure you’ve seen that.” He shifted in his seat and rubbed at the irritating itch of the healing scar on his arm. “Don’t you want to ask why I left in the first place? Why I did it?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to hear that yet.” She looked away from his face for the first time, down at her hands clasped on the table in front of her. “Besides, I already know the essentials. I failed to protect you adequately, and something evil took advantage of that. It didn’t help that you come from a family of killers.”

She sensed his instinctive recoil, and lifted a placatory hand. “I’m using the word only in a descriptive sense, mind you, not a pejorative one. What do you think I am? So was your father, and your uncle. I don’t know how we ever believed ourselves capable of raising a peace-loving child, given that heritage—even without going back another generation.” 

Her shoulders lowered a degree as though a new burden had just been settled on them. “We made our own mistakes. And I am deeply sorry for them.”

He tried to recapture the hatred that had always boiled up so readily at the thought of her. Did she truly believe one meager apology was enough to change anything? Perhaps years ago it might have made a difference—now it was too late. But again, his rage was choked off by the realization that she could have repeated the same stark truth back to him.

“I thought you were dead.” He didn’t know what he was going to say until the words left his mouth. “I didn’t find out the Starkiller weapon had been neutralized before it could take out the Ileenium system until I woke up days later with this...” he gestured to his marred face and went on quickly, while he still had the momentum to carry him forward. “The only reason I had the nerve to kill him was because I believed you were already as good as dead.”

“You mean I wasn’t supposed to be left behind to mourn him.” He looked up at the infinitesimal hitch in her voice and was caught at last by her gaze, unable to pull away from the awful mercy in her eyes. “I don’t think that makes it any more forgivable.”

“No,” he admitted. “But it’s true.”

“You know, I never believed it before, but it’s true that love for a child is unconditional in the most absolute sense.” She rested her chin on her folded hands, and her stare pinned him in place like a blade through the heart. 

“I loved you when you committed all those crimes, Ben. I still love you. I also hate you.” Her voice finally cracked under the weight of years of unshed tears. “But that doesn’t erase the love. It just—coexists with it.”

His eyes burned, too hot to stay open, and he blinked in a hopeless attempt not to bleed his weakness out in front of her. He crumbled to the floor, falling at her feet, and like a beaten dog, Ben Solo laid his head in his mother’s lap and keened.

 

By now, Rey was used to Luke’s thoughtful silences. He was not a talkative man around anyone except his sister and a few veterans of the original Alliance. Still, she had to consciously drop her shoulders away from her ears and focus on her breathing as she waited for his response to her long-winded, rambling account of the last two weeks. His only visible reaction had been a tilted eyebrow at the revelation that she'd assigned Ben the task of training Finn.

Unable to sit still any longer, she jumped up and went to Luke’s tiny galley cupboard. Making tea was one of the few traditional Jedi apprentice duties that he’d retained during her training. Rey found the act soothing, although she still didn't understand the appeal of muddying perfectly clean water with dried plant bits.

It wasn’t until the water had reached a boil that Luke said mildly, “I hope you didn’t commit Finn to anything without his consent.” 

Rey’s cheeks scorched as she measured out the leaves. “I didn’t ask first,” she admitted. “Mostly because it was less of a thought-out plan than a wild guess. But I talked to him about it today, and he agreed.”

“Well.” Luke smiled. “Our friends will often agree to things they fear in order to help us. Let's be certain that Finn is comfortable with the idea before proceeding.”

Rey brought the cup over to him and slouched into her usual chair, placed where she could look through the viewport at the glittering rain of stars in hyperspace. “Would you talk to him, then? Finn might be a little intimidated, but he won't lie to you if he really hates the thought of it.” 

“I will.” Luke blew on his tea to cool it.

Rey hesitated before asking, but she did want to hear Luke’s opinion. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

“No, Rey, I don’t. I think your instincts led you to a good starting point, assuming that Ben won’t give in to his fear and hatred again.” 

“You put him alone in a room with Leia,” Rey said. “You wouldn't have let him on this ship if you believed he'd hurt her.”

“No. But I’m not so sure of his forbearance toward others—me in particular.” Luke scratched at his silver-dappled beard, looking like one of the mangy desert wanderers Rey had grown up avoiding on Jakku. “You’re correct that he isn’t ready to deal with his feelings toward me just yet. To be honest, I’m not prepared for that either.” 

He opened the box of pastries on the table between them and pushed it toward her. Rey accepted the invitation and grabbed two of the little crackly sugared discs. “Both of us are still too angry with each other; it will take a little time and distance before we're ready to re-open those wounds for better healing. In the meantime, it's certainly better for him to be doing something.”

Rey chewed her first cookie and stared out the viewport. On the other side of a few million molecules of transparisteel, the stars streaked past. Usually she felt a sense of wonder at the sight. Now it was their fragility that struck her. Vast and powerful as it was, this ship remained absolutely insignificant to the galaxy. It could be blotted out in an instant by something as small as a stray asteroid, every life on board absorbed into the Force, transformed into nothing but its component elements tumbling on a slow trajectory into the closest gravity well.

“I find it comforting, in a way.” Rey started at the sound of Luke’s voice. “To know that in the end what we do matters so much, and yet so little.”

He smiled gently at her with pastry crumbs in his beard. “Don’t take Ben’s burdens on your shoulders, Rey. You and I and his mother may have some influence, but what he does is and has always been his own choice.”

 

Rey refused to call it either guarding or babysitting. But Ben needed companionship, at least, if not exactly supervision, and at the moment she and Chewie were the only ones he could accept it from without resentment. He still didn’t speak to Luke. And even if Leia had had more time to spare, the emotional ambience between mother and son remained too raw and bruised to be restful.

She tried to ensure that Finn was around as much as possible. It helped to have a third party blunt the sharp edges of their conversation, and if her half-formed idea of Ben teaching him ever came to pass, it would work better if they were capable of peaceful co-existence.

Poe joined them occasionally, though his unconcealed skepticism didn’t improve the atmosphere. Other than that, only a few pilots spoke to Ben; Rey knew that was due to a standing dare among the X-wing squads. (She’d threatened to disassemble Snap’s engine block if he didn’t stamp that out quickly.) The rest of the base mostly ignored him. He existed in a sort of quantum superposition at the moment—neither alive nor dead, forgiven nor condemned.

At the moment, he and Finn were watching Rey disassemble her lightsaber, which had developed an annoying ripple in the blade, and taking turns irritating her with various unhelpful or impractical suggestions.

“Neither of you built this, so I don’t want to hear another word out of you about how to fix it,” she finally snapped. “Just pass me things when I ask for them.”

She went on laying out each part in meticulous order on a cloth spread over her workbench.

“Did you know I was sentenced to death in absentia six months ago?” Ben’s voice was matter of fact, as though he were discussing the rain that had soaked them during this morning’s meditation. “I hope you’re prepared to lose your bet.”

Rey puffed strands of hair out of her eyes as she examined the modulation circuits. There was a minuscule burr on one of them. “Yes, but your mother launched an appeal as soon as Snoke was dead. She’s been negotiating, cajoling, and threatening non-stop ever since. I’m not conceding anything just yet.” She held out a hand, wiggling her fingers impatiently.

Finn gave her the polishing cloth she wanted. “You’ve got a bet going on whether he’ll be executed? You two really are a couple of sick nerf-fuckers.”

“What this idiot fails to account for is that if he wins, there won’t be any way for him to collect. Unless he plans on haunting me.” Rey blew filings off the part and set it back in its mounting. 

Ben shrugged. “Plenty of others will cash in. Speaking of which, you should put some money down soon, Finn. The odds are only going to get worse.” He handed Rey a smaller bit-driver an instant before she realized she needed it. “Where did my saber end up?”

“Under three tons of rubble on Moraband,” Rey said absently, screwing the outer case tightly back in place. She sensed rather than saw Ben’s hands clench into fists and a jittery, oscillating wave of terror rushed outward from him. It wasn’t a remote memory; it was a palpable onslaught of how it had felt to lie bleeding on those stones, knowing he was dying, waiting for the shaking roof to crush him.

Finn’s spine went rigid. Clammy sweat broke out on the back of Rey’s neck and she snatched at the first comment she could think of to distract Ben before all three of them had a panic attack. “That thing was a piece of shit, anyway.”

Ben’s shoulders dropped slowly and his fists loosened. “I'd like to see you do any better with a cracked kyber crystal,” he got out, his voice rough.

“I wouldn’t try to build a lethal weapon around a flawed part, because I’m not a reckless hothead.” 

Finn snickered, and Rey glared at him. He lifted his hands in surrender. “Not saying anything.” 

The corner of Ben’s mouth twitched.

“Both of you, shut up and stand back.” Rey turned away from the workbench, brought the saber up in a simple Shii-Cho stance and activated it.

Ben circled around her, craning his neck to examine the flowing plasma of the blade. “Definitely smoother now. Look, there.” He pointed at the bottom of the blade. “That wobble near the base is gone.”

Finn hopped down from the bench and leaned in, a watercolour streak of green light reflecting off his cheekbone. “Yeah, I see it.”

Rey deactivated the saber and clipped it to her belt. Ben stepped back and nudged Finn with his elbow. “I hope that brief glimpse satisfied you, because if she and Skywalker have their way you won’t get to touch one again for years.”

“You’ll be the one teaching him,” Rey pointed out. “If you want to tell him to build a saber tomorrow, you can go right ahead.”

The look of stunned surprise followed by calculating wonder on Ben’s face almost made her smile. For the first time, Rey felt there was a chance that her plan might actually work.

 

Ben didn’t care for spending so much time with Rey and FN—Finn. Having one or both of them escort him to and from the mess for every meal was the most aggravating consequence of his temporary stay on the Resistance base. They were both irritatingly cheerful, and Finn’s table manners were hardly any better than Rey’s. 

Of course, they’d stepped in and appointed themselves his informal guards to ensure he wasn’t killed by an amateur before the courts had a chance to do it properly. It only made sense. After all, he'd been assigned private quarters with a fresher even in this overcrowded facility because it meant fewer opportunities for an attack.

But after lunch today, Dameron had volunteered to take him back. Ben had been expecting this for some time, so when Finn directed a questioning eyebrow at him he shrugged to indicate that he didn’t object. 

Dameron said nothing to Ben on the short walk. He didn’t need to; barely-contained animosity roiled out of his pores as hot as the radiation signature of an X-wing engine. The pilot had even more cause than most of the people on this base to hate Ben, and no reason to repress it other than his respect for the General.

At the doorway, Dameron shoved past Ben as soon as he’d disengaged the biometric lock. He stood in the middle of the room, shoulders set and hands fisted by his sides. “I’ve got something to say to you.”

Ben closed the door softly behind him. “Go ahead.” 

He lowered his chin and tried to relax in anticipation of the blow. At least Dameron’s self-righteousness wouldn’t allow him to punch an unresisting opponent more than once or twice. Probably.

“I have no kriffing idea how you managed to get three of the best people in the galaxy on your side. Four, counting Finn.” Dameron narrowed his eyes and thrust his jaw out in a comical attempt to make his handsome face seem menacing. “But I don’t care. I’m not falling for it, and the second you show your true colours I will happily turn you into a smear on the floor.” 

“I don’t know how you calculate that, Dameron, but for a pilot your math is abysmal.” Ben leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. Maybe he wasn’t going to have to take a beating just yet. “Whatever my ‘side’ is, Finn’s not on it. He’s been dragged into this idiotic plan by Rey and Skywalker, who are giving me plenty of rope to see whether I’ll hang myself.”

He looked at the floor, pressing his toes down inside the ridiculous combat boots that were the only shoes that fit him. “The only one who really believes in me is the General, and I hope you won't hold that against her. She can’t help it.” The next words were caustic in his throat. “She’s going to need you. After I’m—after this is over. Please.”

He loathed admitting that the other man had been a better son to Leia in everything but name. But what did it matter? It wasn’t as though both of them didn’t already know the truth.

Dameron didn’t say anything. Ben resisted for as long as he could. Eventually he couldn’t help looking back at his face. His eyes were hooded as he stared at Ben, and his mouth was twisted with an uneasy mix of pity and revulsion. 

“Okay. Yeah.” He scratched the side of his neck uncomfortably. “You know I would’ve looked out for her anyways.”

Ben shrugged, his eyes focused on his toes again. “I had to say it.”

Dameron’s droid whistled plaintively for its master from the hall, providing a merciful exit from this encounter while Ben’s dignity was still more or less intact. He leaned over and shoved the door open. Dameron took the hint and left, reassuring the silly thing as it wobbled in agitated circles on the threshold. 

 

“I have committed terrible crimes.”

Ben’s voice was steady; so were his hands. He was dressed in plain sand-coloured clothes that resembled Luke’s Jedi robes, and his uncle and mother flanked him in support. Leia retained her masterful eye for political theatre. 

“I can plead no extenuating circumstances. All I can say is that I have surrendered to the judgement of this court, and if spared I will do everything possible to atone for my past deeds.”

The holo-projection of the Coruscanti judicial triumvirate looked down at him, unimpressed. It didn’t matter that they were in a system light-years away; their hatred for Ben and what he represented to them rippled through the Force. _Tell that to the Hosnians_ , the Mon Calamari judge on the right was thinking.

Leia opened her mouth, but Luke reached over to touch her arm and she subsided. The Twilek judge in the centre stared at her quellingly before she spoke.

“Kylo, Master of the Knights of Ren, formerly known as Ben Solo: it is the verdict of this court that, despite the eloquent pleading of your family, the sentence of death stands.”

Ben remained motionless, but his skin bleached so white that the freckles and marks on it stood out like soot on snow. Leia’s shoulders stiffened and her chin rose. This time it was Luke who objected. “Your honour, we—”

“Do not interrupt the court, Jedi!” Even through the fuzzy holo-projection, it was clear that the judge was keeping a hold on her temper by only the thinnest of leashes.

Rey found her back pressed up against the far wall of the room. Her hands ached. She looked down at her fingers—they were locked together so tightly she was crushing her own knuckles. One joint at a time, she forced them to relax. By the time she could return her attention to the holo-projector, the Twilek judge was pronouncing the conclusion of the sentence.

“...shall be suspended on condition that you never again set foot on Coruscant or any other of the Core Worlds. Any future offenses, including association with the First Order or any other seditious groups, will result in the reinstatement of the death sentence, to be carried out immediately, with no additional trial or appeal.”

Luke grabbed Ben’s elbow as his knees sagged and braced him up with his shoulder. “Thank you, your honours.”

“Don’t thank us, Master Skywalker. You and your apprentice are responsible for the prisoner's compliance with the conditions of his suspended sentence.” The projection fizzled out in an angry hiss of static. 

A wave of exhaustion toppled over Rey. She slumped against the wall for support and closed her burning eyes. She hadn’t let herself expect or even hope for this end, but it had come. 

Now for the hard part.

 

Rey and Skywalker were headed out to the Rakata system following a rumour that some of the Knights of Ren had gone to ground there. It was obviously a mynock chase, but Skywalker was determined to investigate, and of course Rey insisted on going with him as part of what she felt the duties of an apprentice entailed. 

Ben had steeled himself to come with Finn and say goodbye to her, despite the significant threat it presented of having to see his uncle. Rey was one of the few people who spoke to him voluntarily—a number that still fell well below double digits. He felt an obligation to show her that he was making an effort to deserve her tolerance. 

Fortunately, for once Skywalker had displayed some tact and absented himself to run pre-flight checks on the ancient mid-range hauler. That left Ben the only witness to Finn and Rey’s parting, standing an awkward distance away as they embraced. She whispered something in his ear and squeezed his shoulders before letting him go and turning to Ben.

“You were right,” he told her. “I hope you enjoy your winnings.”

“I will.” She grinned. “The best part will be you helping Finn to become a great Jedi.” 

Behind her, Finn rolled his eyes. 

“Or put him off the idea forever.” Ben didn’t know how she’d convinced the boy to go through with this misguided plan—but then, he had first-hand experience of her unreasonable powers of persuasion. 

Rey lifted her chin and he could sense her bracing to do something foolish. “Come here.”

“No.” She should save her soft-heartedness for those who appreciated it. “Absolutely not. We are not on hugging terms.” 

“You’re not on hugging terms with anyone,” she said. “And that’s not what I intended.”

She reached out and gripped his forearms. Her calloused palms were warm against his scarred skin. By reflex he clasped her arms in turn, connecting them in a rough, martial farewell. It felt treacherously comfortable.

He reminded himself again not to get used to this. Acceptance was not something he could ever expect.

Rey tightened her grip and stared up at him with fierce, demanding optimism. “You can do this. And you will.”

“I’ll try,” he told her bluntly. “That’s all I can promise.”

“For now, that’s enough.” She slid her hands away from his arms, releasing him. “I’d say may the Force be with you, but I don’t want to make you angry.” 

A bark of unanticipated laughter escaped Ben’s throat, startling him. Rey sketched a quick wave at both of them and sprinted for the ship’s hatch. 

He and Finn stood and watched the hauler lift with a roar of overworked engines and launch into the morning sky. 

 

[Transcript of holomessage transmitted from Takodana to Rey’s personal comm]

_Hey, peanut. Hope you get this wherever you are._

_Everything’s going fine so far. No problems with my teacher. He doesn’t talk much but you probably knew that. I couldn’t convince him to record anything but he said to tell you that the Cadavine Sector was a popular hideout for some of his ex-friends in case you wanted to check there next._

_What else? Um, I can lift a pebble now. Very impressive. Next step is apparently learning to see with my eyes closed. Not so sure that’s possible but we’ll find out. Also, you didn’t warn me this would involve so much early morning exercise. I thought I’d gotten away from all that after ditching my helmet._

_Don’t know how our hostess is going to encrypt this or how secure her link is so I’ll keep it short. She says hello and is attaching a long list of supplies she wants from the General in return for what she calls looking after us. We may be getting free room and board but we’re also putting in lots of elbow grease helping rebuild her castle, so don’t let her fool you._

_I know we'll see each other soon. Take care._

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from “Left and Leaving” by the Weakerthans. Again, all thanks to englishable for her patient & thoughtful beta help.
> 
> Fair warning: part three was nearly finished before I realized it had to be completely ripped apart and put back together... so it will take a while.


End file.
